10 Things That Take Longer Than They Should

You might think if someone often blogs about her frustration in dealing with aspects of time, she's probably not the most patient person in the world either. And you would be right. Here's further validation of just how right you are with the following list of small things that end up taking a big chunk of time, but shouldn't:

1. TOY PACKAGING

The U.S. Department of Defense should take pointers from toy packaging engineers. The wires, the tabs, the tie wraps, and most recently, the tiniest of screws. Don't they understand the miniature screwdrivers in my house are rarely returned to the proper drawer? And why does Barbie's hair need to be STITCHED to the cardboard? I promise I won't run off with her golden locks and make a really bad wig for a Bratz doll, honest.

2. MEDICAL TEST RESULTS

As if it isn't enough I've been poked or prodded or forced to squeeze very sensitive parts of myself into an evil medical device (I swear it smiled as I winced)...I then have to wait two full weeks to find out whether or not there's a life-threatening disease lurking in my insides. I jump every time the phone rings, and then my husband's stuck repairing the dents I make in the ceiling. 

3. EXERCISE 

If it only took me 5 minutes to eat the dessert, it should only take me 5 minutes of vigorous (or better yet, not-so-vigorous) exercise to work off the fat and calories....not a week's worth of intensive cardio.  

4. REBATES 

Isn't the receipt enough proof we bought your stupid brand of contact lenses? I have to create an online ID, research the date of last office exam, answer dozens of questions, and decipher a captcha to prove I'm human (you know, because so many spambot computers wear contact lenses). Then I have to cut out UPC squares, tape (never staple) them to the printed form and mail. It's almost as if you don't want to give us back the money you promised, but I'm sure that just couldn't be the reason it's such a hassle, right? 

5. QUICK & EASY DINNER RECIPES
It always sounds so simple. Start with chicken, add some fresh veggies and rice and voila, it's a healthy meal in 10 minutes! Except they leave out the time it takes to slice and grill the chicken, rinse and dice the vegetables, cook the rice and wash my hands five times because raw chicken is Just. That. Slimy. So yeah, 45 minutes is more like it.

6. IN-PERSON REGISTRATION

Even my 94 year-old grandmother knows everything is done via computer these days (she also plays Wii...I swear). Yet every now and then, I still have to rise before dawn to go wait on a physical line....two hours before registration even starts....because it's the only way to get my kid signed up for Class That Everyone Wants But Will Never Live Up to the Hype. No online registration option? What is this, 2005?

7. CANDY WRAPPERS

It may be easy to steal candy from a baby, but said baby would enjoy a good laugh while the thief tries in vain to tear open the wrapper. I want to immediately partake of the chocolaty goodness, not have to walk all the way across the room to get scissors. I also hate mourning the loss of the two dozen M & M's that end up ricocheting off the walls when the bag rips down the center (may they rest in pieces...I mean, peace). 

8. NEW SEASONS OF MAD MEN

After keeping us in suspense for nearly 2 years, you breeze in and out with only 13 episodes. By the time we get to travel back to 1967 again next year (or the year after), I'll have to study IMDB's episode guide to recall where the heck you left off. I already miss the Sterling Cooper Draper Minus Pryce gang (and Megan's killer wardrobe) so much, I could almost tolerate smarmy Pete Campbell's smug face. Almost.

9. APPLYING SUNBLOCK

I can't take the pressure. If I miss a couple of spots during application, someone could be in a LOT of pain and a possible candidate for skin cancer....as well as having a back that reads like a map of North and South Red Splotchia and the Deep White Sea.

10. WRITING THIS POST

It's just a blog entry. No matter how much time I spend, it's never going to be Nora Ephron witty (RIP, inimitable writer....may you enjoy every M & M lost above), so just be done writing this already. And how hard is it to draw a picture on a chalkboard? My kindergartener could probably do it in about 7 seconds...

TALK TO ME:  What else takes way longer than it should?