Trapped at Traffic Light

You approach an intersection and face the difficult choice of either hitting the brakes or plowing full speed ahead. Admonish the drivers in front of you for going so slow.  If only they had accelerated, you could've floored it and made it through just as the light turned red. Now you're going to be late because nobody knows how to drive except you.

Beep repeatedly. You're too angry to care about the threatening looks you're getting from the burly, tattooed guy in the SUV. It just makes you honk louder. Stop abruptly when you notice the frazzled mom in the minivan spinning her head around a full 360 degrees and flinging what you believe to be Cheerios.

Attempt to unclench your jaw and exhale, alternately releasing and gripping the steering wheel. It just had to be one of those lights where you have to wait for all the left turn-only traffic to proceed before your lane can move.

Look at the time on the dashboard clock. Then look at the time on your watch....as if the two will be different. Hope the two will be different.  Pray some sudden freak occurrence has erroneously set the dashboard clock an hour ahead and you actually have eons of time left.

Actually, the two are slightly different, but only because you'd set your watch five minutes ahead as a clever device to prevent yourself from running late. Of course, this gimmick fails every time, thanks to your first grade teacher, who taught you how to subtract five from any given number.  This learned skill is also responsible for your bad habit of subtracting five minutes from clocks that are not as cleverly set ahead, thus making you even later.

Wonder if Mrs. Mazur is still teaching. Wonder if she still wears the blue polyester dress and gray sensible shoes. Do not think about how she wore that dress a good 30 years ago and was probably already in her 70's then. Wish for a clock on which you could just as easily adjust years by subtracting intervals of five.

This light is taking forever to change. Why today, of all days, are you getting all the red lights?

Start preparing what you'll say to explain your tardiness. You certainly can't go with the truth, which is you started out late to begin with because it always takes you longer than you thought to get ready. That, and there was a really good episode on HGTV: You just had to see which of the three suburban homes the couple relocating from the big city would choose. Obviously, none of these things could be helped. It's not your fault. You want to blame it on a black hole in the universe that warps time, but some stupid blog on the internet said no one will buy it.

Check your phone. Open the window. Close it immediately upon seeing a giant bug flying towards you. Scream and flail at your narrow, death-defying escape from this vile insect, causing you to drop your phone between the seat and the console. Lunge forward to retrieve it. Bang your head on the dashboard....not just because people beep at you as the light turns green, but because you're that clumsy and manage to bang your head in almost any object-retrieving scenario.

Actual Time Spent at Red Traffic Light: 1 minute, 20 seconds
Real Feel: half hour
Who Is Really at Fault for the Tardiness: obviously, everyone but you, duh
No, Seriously, Who Is Really to Blame: okay, fine....a black hole in the universe where the time got warped


TALK TO ME:
How do you deal with getting stuck in traffic? Are you the person who always arrives late....or early? If late, what causes the delay most often? If routinely early, what's your secret?