As usual, the supermarket has opened a whopping five registers for the 40 customers currently lined up, and you have no idea which one will be the quickest ticket out of there. Lament this is the same retailer that prided itself on the remodel that established 25 cash register lanes. Picture how much more efficiently the store would run if you were in charge.
You know better than to try to gauge which line will move most rapidly by which has carts half-empty versus full. It's all about cashier productivity. You also want to avoid cashiers who think they're the Coupon Police and spend an inordinate amount of time double-checking that brand names and quantities purchased are exactly as per terms of offer.
Go with the cashier who seems to be scanning items competently without chit-chat. Witness how quickly she has moved on to the next customer already by the time you step into her line. Looks like you chose correctly. Another thing she does at warp speed: turn off her light to announce she'll be closing after the person in front of you.
Slink over to the next lane. Hope this cashier will wrap up her conversation with another cashier three aisles away soon. You and everyone within a five-lane radius now know more than you ever needed to about what they were drinking at Jake's party last weekend and how Samantha told Ryan there was no way he was 'hitting that' until he shapes up because she was NOT putting up with it, nuh-uh, no way.
Struggle to balance all of the items in your arms as you watch the cashier text between sales. Maybe you should've gotten a cart or basket. You had only planned to pick up a few things. You hadn't known they'd be offering a two-for-one sale on Mallomars.
No one is behind you, so decide to quickly go grab a basket from the discarded ones wedged underneath the register counter. Explain your intentions to the people in front of you as you struggle to work your way forward. Make yourself oblivious to all looks of annoyance. Because your hands are full, use your foot to attempt to free a basket from its entanglement with the other handles, resulting in a jarring tumble of baskets. This further annoys the people on your line, not one of whom will offer you assistance.
You know better than to try to gauge which line will move most rapidly by which has carts half-empty versus full. It's all about cashier productivity. You also want to avoid cashiers who think they're the Coupon Police and spend an inordinate amount of time double-checking that brand names and quantities purchased are exactly as per terms of offer.
Go with the cashier who seems to be scanning items competently without chit-chat. Witness how quickly she has moved on to the next customer already by the time you step into her line. Looks like you chose correctly. Another thing she does at warp speed: turn off her light to announce she'll be closing after the person in front of you.
Slink over to the next lane. Hope this cashier will wrap up her conversation with another cashier three aisles away soon. You and everyone within a five-lane radius now know more than you ever needed to about what they were drinking at Jake's party last weekend and how Samantha told Ryan there was no way he was 'hitting that' until he shapes up because she was NOT putting up with it, nuh-uh, no way.
Struggle to balance all of the items in your arms as you watch the cashier text between sales. Maybe you should've gotten a cart or basket. You had only planned to pick up a few things. You hadn't known they'd be offering a two-for-one sale on Mallomars.
No one is behind you, so decide to quickly go grab a basket from the discarded ones wedged underneath the register counter. Explain your intentions to the people in front of you as you struggle to work your way forward. Make yourself oblivious to all looks of annoyance. Because your hands are full, use your foot to attempt to free a basket from its entanglement with the other handles, resulting in a jarring tumble of baskets. This further annoys the people on your line, not one of whom will offer you assistance.
When you return to the rear with your newly-filled basket, the line has grown by two more people. Glance up at the clock. You've already been in the store a half hour longer than you planned. You still aren't even close enough to the register to roll your eyes at the tabloid headlines or admire the candy bars. The store has crammed so much merchandise into the displays near the registers, carts barely fit through the lane. You've never understood why stores think this strategy will be an effective way to trick people into last-minute impulse buys.
It suddenly dawns on you that you've forgotten the one item which was the sole impetus for this impromptu shopping excursion. Ask the person behind you to save your place in line while you run to get milk. Park your little basket on the floor for insurance.
Slip on an applesauce spill in Aisle 9. Act nonchalant while regaining your balance and composure near the feminine hygiene products. When you finally reach the dairy aisle, bump into someone you haven't seen in years. Discuss where everyone is working now, speculate whatever happened to so-and-so, and admire her smartphone photo gallery featuring her children, pets and last year's trip to Disney.
Race back to your line with a tub of ice cream, two bottles of salad dressing (on sale!) and a box of tampons. The woman saving your spot says she thought you went to get milk. Tell her she must have heard you wrong. Toss a Snickers bar and magazine into your basket.
How Long You Thought This Shopping Trip Would Take: 10 minutes, tops
Actual Time: 47 minutes
Real Feel: 35 minutes
Amount of Unnecessary Items Purchased Impulsively: 8
Final Score: Shoprite 8
You -1 (milk)
TALK TO ME:
What frustrates you at the supermarket? What do you think causes the most delays in getting out of there quickly? Do you frequently buy more items than you originally went into the store to get?
Know what annoyes me? The Self-Checkout "option". Yes, Giant Supermarket, I am talking to you. Go ahead and boast of your 20+ checkout aisles; only 2 of them have people working them, leaving us the choice of standing in a line worthy of the 1930s Depression-Era Bread Line or fighting the inane rules of "self-service". Picture it: 2 young boys, 5:15 pm, and a pile of produce that has to be weighed and codes looked up; no simple barcodes here. Inevitably, the "floater" cashier comes over and does it for me anyway. HOW is that saving us time, money, etc., I ask you. HOOOOOOW???
ReplyDeleteTotally agree! Also fun at Self-Checkout is the stupid "Unrecognized Item in Bagging Area...Remove Item" alarm. Especially when you didn't put anything there, but maybe your little one waved a jacket sleeve too close to the sensor. And since there's nothing to remove, you can't appease it, so it then flashes the light and says "Please Wait for Assistance." Everyone behind you glares at you for holding the line up, and you're like, no really, it was just my keys. Not trying to get away with anything here.
DeleteHad that happen to me yesterday as well, which resulted in my inadvertent theft of leeks. I removed the "offending" item from the bagging area by placing it in.... my bag at the bottom of the runway thing. Only when I got home did I note that the leeks were then removed from my total. Serves them right, I say. Also, I had no idea that 2 leeks cost over $5.00. Leeks!
ReplyDeleteHaha, in a sense, you won. And I'm certainly not a leek-purchasing expert, but I agree $5.00 is ridiculous for a vegetable that seems to have trouble deciding whether it's a type of onion or a type of celery.
DeleteHilarious, and so true, Christie! I always end up picking the line which looks to be moving fast, but the person in front of me will then write a check, instead of using a debit card, or have food stamp problems, or some other issues that slows everything down to a grinding halt. What annoys me the most in grocery stores, and in public in general, are the oblivious cell-phone users, lazily sloth-walking along with their carts, completely unaware of everyone else around them. Excellent proof that cell phone use impedes one's ability to multi-task.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kris! You're SO right about the cell phones. I also particularly love it when people in front of me on line argue with the cashier, demand a manager, and then the rest of us all have to wait till said manager shows up. And it's not like they'll ever turn around to apologize or acknowledge in any way, shape or form that they're creating a delay for all...
DeleteYou hit every point! We have an upscale, aka overpriced supermarket where the snooty old white rich women shop in our neighborhood. It's ridiculously expensive but there is NEVER a line and you're in and out quick - that's what you pay for. If two people are standing at the checkout counter, they call for backup and like a precision lightning strike, another checkout line opens. I only go to this store when I have less than 3 minutes to run in and get milk and bread. It's the best $27 I ever spend.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love it, Kim. Sometimes, you just can't put a price on quick, hassle-free shopping! I wish we had that Promised Land of Shopping out here on the East Coast :)
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